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Musings of a former hula hoop champion
Browsing All Posts filed under »satire as news«
Unicorns, Starvation, and Sparkly Fairy Dust
December 3, 2012
In an announcement Friday, the North Korean state news agency reported that archaeologists recently reconfirmed the discovery of the lair of a unicorn once ridden by an ancient Korean king. According to the Korean Central News Agency, the discovery was made about 219 yards from the Yongmyong Temple in Pyongyang. A rock that sits in […]
Alienation
November 28, 2012
World events have been happening so quickly in the past week that, midway through my consumption of a sweet potato and marshmallow casserole, I seriously considered blowing off the Post-Thanksgiving-Held-on-Actual-Thanksgiving Midnight Madness at the local Walmart in order to track events as they were unfolding. We shall begin with a discovery beneath the […]
Bimbos, Dildos, and Ho-Hos
November 19, 2012
In an event even more shocking than the removal of a 9 inch dildo from the intestines of a 30-year-old man in Zhongshan, China, the Hostess Company, purveyors of food like substances since 1930, is shutting its doors. No longer will chubby fingers be able to pull apart such nutrient-deficient but oh-so-fun products as Sno Balls, Devil […]
A Short Hiatus From Blogging
November 10, 2012
Like Facebook, Twitter, and Donald Trump’s brain synapses, blogging imparts a belief that one’s thoughts are vital to the well-being of the planet. A vacation from blogging imparts an awareness that world events tend to continue with or without During my hiatus from blogging, a president got re-elected, after both parties spent the equivalent of […]
A Short Phone Conversation Between Mitt Romney and the IRS
September 26, 2012
This is the IRS, where our motto is “We will hold off your death, until you have paid your taxes.” Uh, hi. Hey, are you aware that I have been on hold for about two hours? I would ask you what your point was but it wouldn’t matter. How can I help you? Uh, yeah, […]
Fighting Terrorism With A Cheeseburger and Fries
August 24, 2012
A recent concern to the US military has been the rising number of “insider” attacks on our troops, specifically coming from Afghan police and soldiers. Marine Gen. John R. Allen, the top US commander in Afghanistan, speaking to reporters at the Pentagon from his headquarters in Kabul, said the reasons behind the attacks are not […]
My Brain is Akin From This Stuff
August 22, 2012
It’s tough to know which is of more concern at the moment, the fact that at least two elected officials have no knowledge of a woman’s anatomy, or that Mattel has created Drag Queen Barbie. Rep Todd Akin, a Republican Senator from Missouri, in a statement that set knowledge of human reproduction back about 50,000 […]
Obamacare, and the Right to Order Extra Cheese
August 8, 2012
While most of the general population of the country has been occupied with the Mars landing, the Olympics, the longest presidential run in history, and learning to do the steps to the pasa doble, a disaster has been in the making. Papa Johns, the third largest pizza takeout and delivery company in the country, has been […]
Maidenform and the Maiden
July 26, 2012
In a revolutionary discovery that is rewriting virtually everything we know about history except for the reason for the new TV reality show “Honey Boo Boo,” the University of Innsbruck said Wednesday that archeologists found four linen bras dating from the Middle Ages in an Austrian castle. It was not explained what archeologists were doing […]
Living Large After Death
January 3, 2013
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Despite opposition from some members of his Republican party, and despite 87% of the American population being unable to pronounce his name correctly, John Boehner today won a second term as US Speaker of the House. In another joyous development, Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter have been deemed safe listening fare by the Pentagon, while anything […]