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Musings of a former hula hoop champion
Browsing All posts tagged under »news«
Boomer Breasts and the State of the Planet
November 30, 2012
Boomer breasts, while going about their daily business in relative obscurity, have nonetheless unwittingly become symbols of the general state of our world. The Breaking up of the Polar Ice Caps: The southward journey of the Boomer breast is symbolic of the sinking of the polar ice caps, but because it is located in a […]
Alienation
November 28, 2012
World events have been happening so quickly in the past week that, midway through my consumption of a sweet potato and marshmallow casserole, I seriously considered blowing off the Post-Thanksgiving-Held-on-Actual-Thanksgiving Midnight Madness at the local Walmart in order to track events as they were unfolding. We shall begin with a discovery beneath the […]
Bimbos, Dildos, and Ho-Hos
November 19, 2012
In an event even more shocking than the removal of a 9 inch dildo from the intestines of a 30-year-old man in Zhongshan, China, the Hostess Company, purveyors of food like substances since 1930, is shutting its doors. No longer will chubby fingers be able to pull apart such nutrient-deficient but oh-so-fun products as Sno Balls, Devil […]
Voice of Elmo, Silenced
November 18, 2012
Fifty-two-year-old Kevin Clash, who, since 1984, has been the voice of the beloved Muppet Elmo, was recently accused of having had a sexual relationship with a 16-year-old boy. Clash took a leave of absence from Sesame Street after the claims surfaced. In June, a young man contacted Sesame Workshop saying he had a sexual relationship with […]
A Short Hiatus From Blogging
November 10, 2012
Like Facebook, Twitter, and Donald Trump’s brain synapses, blogging imparts a belief that one’s thoughts are vital to the well-being of the planet. A vacation from blogging imparts an awareness that world events tend to continue with or without During my hiatus from blogging, a president got re-elected, after both parties spent the equivalent of […]
My Uterus, Myself
August 26, 2012
Todd Akin, when he isn’t advocating for an audit of the Federal Reserve System, has become a spokesperson for a return to medieval notions of women and fertility. It’s time to look at the belief system from which he obtains his knowledge about women’s bodies. And what better way to do this than to go […]
My Brain is Akin From This Stuff
August 22, 2012
It’s tough to know which is of more concern at the moment, the fact that at least two elected officials have no knowledge of a woman’s anatomy, or that Mattel has created Drag Queen Barbie. Rep Todd Akin, a Republican Senator from Missouri, in a statement that set knowledge of human reproduction back about 50,000 […]
No Breast for the Weary
July 12, 2012
On Wednesday I posted about my memorable phone dalliance with Carl, the Ahh Bra salesman. When I completed that post, I thought the subject was put to bed (in a manner of speaking). Lo and behold, I had totally forgotten that July 6 was National Braless Day, in which various celebs got to flaunt their […]
Wife Swap: Things I Wish I Didn’t Know
May 22, 2012
Editor’s note: The act of blogging follows a consistent path. There is the coming up of ideas; the writing of ideas; the hiding under the table while one weeps; the drinking of coffee laced with rum; the self-loathing followed by self-congratulating and then more self-loathing; the watching of TV; the shaking of the fist at […]
Unicorns, Starvation, and Sparkly Fairy Dust
December 3, 2012
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In an announcement Friday, the North Korean state news agency reported that archaeologists recently reconfirmed the discovery of the lair of a unicorn once ridden by an ancient Korean king. According to the Korean Central News Agency, the discovery was made about 219 yards from the Yongmyong Temple in Pyongyang. A rock that sits in […]