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Musings of a former hula hoop champion
Browsing All posts tagged under »research«
Getting Found by Getting Lost
April 25, 2013
Just in case I haven’t mentioned it enough, my entire life has been impacted by my inability to get from point A to point B without the aid of a brain transplant. The history of my dysfunction has resulted in, among other things, 1. The dissolution of my first marriage 2. Numerous neuroses, fears, anxieties, […]
Those Goddamn Doors
April 3, 2013
If you have never experienced walking into a room and forgetting what you came there for, please stop reading immediately and go stand in a corner with all the other people this writer has no interest in communicating with. The rest of you, listen up: Science, taking a short break from predicting tsunamis, erupting volcanoes, […]
Sex at 50+ : What’s Normal?
March 9, 2013
In its March 2013 issue, AARP Magazine presents “Sex at 50+: What’s Normal?” in which they answer our burning curiosity about other people’s sex lives. A heads up (in a manner of speaking): If you routinely incorporate the Area 51 Love Doll, the Strict Leather Dildo Face Harness, or the Drilldo into your sexual repertoire, […]
Unicorns, Starvation, and Sparkly Fairy Dust
December 3, 2012
In an announcement Friday, the North Korean state news agency reported that archaeologists recently reconfirmed the discovery of the lair of a unicorn once ridden by an ancient Korean king. According to the Korean Central News Agency, the discovery was made about 219 yards from the Yongmyong Temple in Pyongyang. A rock that sits in […]
Boomer Breasts and the State of the Planet
November 30, 2012
Boomer breasts, while going about their daily business in relative obscurity, have nonetheless unwittingly become symbols of the general state of our world. The Breaking up of the Polar Ice Caps: The southward journey of the Boomer breast is symbolic of the sinking of the polar ice caps, but because it is located in a […]
Alienation
November 28, 2012
World events have been happening so quickly in the past week that, midway through my consumption of a sweet potato and marshmallow casserole, I seriously considered blowing off the Post-Thanksgiving-Held-on-Actual-Thanksgiving Midnight Madness at the local Walmart in order to track events as they were unfolding. We shall begin with a discovery beneath the […]
If I’m Over 60, I Must Want More Children
November 17, 2012
More Magazine, in an eye-opening new survey of 1200 women age 60-95+, explored, among other areas, marriage, mommyhood, mates, and mistakes. While the overwhelming response of respondents was that life keeps getting better, and that, specifically, their happiest decade was after age 40 (81%), all that self-congratulatory drivel stops when the subject of parenting comes up. […]
Maidenform and the Maiden
July 26, 2012
In a revolutionary discovery that is rewriting virtually everything we know about history except for the reason for the new TV reality show “Honey Boo Boo,” the University of Innsbruck said Wednesday that archeologists found four linen bras dating from the Middle Ages in an Austrian castle. It was not explained what archeologists were doing […]
Global Shvitzing
July 10, 2012
(A certain amount of the following information came from The Huffington Post article titled, “Burning Up.” All quotes from NOAA, and Ann Coulter are true. All other quotes have been created by the blogger’s brain synapses, over which she has little control.) A new report finds that the past 12 months have been the warmest […]
How to Collect Social Security for 55 Years
May 17, 2013
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The cover of the May issue of National Geographic shows a baby with the caption, “This Baby Will Live to be 120.” Inside the magazine is the article, titled “On Beyond 100.” Before diving headfirst into the article, Life in the Boomer Lane suspected it would be about the continuing rampant production of old people […]