at an office party. He is seated in a chair and you are standing nearby, looking in his direction. He points to one knee and says “This is Thanksgiving.” He points to the other knee and says, “This is Christmas.” Then he asks, “Why not visit me between the holidays?”
The above was part of a mandatory seminar LBL attended last week on “ Sexual Harassment in the Workplace” compliments of her company. In case you are thinking that the little story LBL has just detailed was merely one rollicking moment in a whole series of X-rated offerings, be assured that this story was the high point of lasciviousness, compared to the rest of the seminar.
The point of the above story was “If this happened to you, what would you do?” Since the overwhelming gender in the room was female, and, since the average age was what is now commonly being labeled “the young old,” one might assume that the overwhelming response to this hypothetical situation of the leg-spread man might be to double-up laughing until pee ran down their own legs. But, alas, there was no such levity in the room.
You might wonder why they were taking this course. That’s not to say that sexual harassment isn’t a very serious topic, indeed. But if you combined all of their years in the business and strung them end to end backward, you’d probably see Ptolomy II holding the beginning of the line. Surely, none of hem would have gotten this far in the business if they didn’t possess a keen insight into human behavior, combined with an uncanny ability to recognize a drunk when they saw one.
The answer is: liability. In other words, Just in case. Lawyers are like the Boy Scouts. They like to be prepared. Unlike Boy Scouts, lawyers make a lot of money being prepared. Mostly, they prepare people to be safe from other lawyers. Legally, the birth of sexual harassment occurred in 1976. The seminar was created so that, in the highly unlikely event someone might present one of them with a lawsuit accusing them of sexual harassment, their company attorney would be able to say that the company tried to train everyone about correct behavior, but maybe this one person must have fallen asleep during the session. So, anyway, they all took the seminar.
Last night they went to the home of friends, Chris and Suzette, for a Super Bowl viewing. It wasn’t a party because Chris is from Pittsburgh and was entirely too serious about the whole thing to have had any fun. The women stayed upstairs, talking about topics other than football. One was dating horror stories when they were younger. Suzette said when she was growing up, her mom always gave her and her sister the following advice whenever they were off to go to a dance: “Keep your legs together and think of God.”
Easy and direct. Applicable to both sexes. And pretty much the pre-1976 version of a Sexual Harassment Workshop.
Life in the Boomer Lane 
sunshineinlondon
February 7, 2011
You always make me laugh, Renee! I love the photo too!
Sexual harassment has been a hot topic in the media over here recently, since two Sky Sports’ football commentators made some inappropriate comments (thinking their mics were off) about a female linesman. It’s raised a huge debate here … I think there’ll be plenty of similar workshops and seminars to the one you went to, running all around the UK.
Legs together, indeed.
Sunshine xx
lifeintheboomerlane
February 7, 2011
Thanks, Sunshine. I agree about there being more and more of these workshops. Before my daughter moved to London, when she was fresh out of law school, she was a sexual harassment attorney for a NY law firm. She helped to represent a woman who worked in a Japanese restaurant and accused her manager of harassment. It seemed like a relatively small case. But it turned out, the restaurant was owned by one of the largest companies in Japan. The story made the front page of the New York Post.
Amanda Hoving
February 7, 2011
That advice is priceless! And, it would save a lot of money in conference and seminar fees 😉
lifeintheboomerlane
February 7, 2011
Absolutely!
writerwoman61
February 7, 2011
Very provocative title, Renée…
The unfortunate thing is that I don’t think the kids today are nearly as streetwise as we were…some of them might need those sexual harassment training sessions (jobs are in such short supply, a lot of kids might just put up with it!).
I think if I had been put in the hypothetical situation you posed, I would have informed the bugger that he would be celebrating the holidays “alone.”
Wendy
lifeintheboomerlane
February 7, 2011
Now Husband Dan said “You CAN’T use that title!” I answered, “Watch me.” I do agree that younger people could probably use these type seminars. Good answer about celebrating the holidays alone.
Tori Nelson
February 7, 2011
If only Suzette’s mom could’ve gotten a hold of those Teen Mom girls! And God bless you for staying awake through the seminar. I normally fall into an open-eye nap within the first 30 minutes!
lifeintheboomerlane
February 7, 2011
Yes! I sat very still and stared at the clock. Everytime someone raised their hand to express displeasure about why we had to do this, I groaned. All that does is extend the time. They could have said anything and I wouldn’t have said a word.
carldagostino
February 7, 2011
These workshops are good because many people don’t mean to be threatening just some good natured sport. Makes you keep you mouth shut and takes a little fun out of work. I suppose it is a fine line between disrespect and play. What do you think?
lifeintheboomerlane
February 7, 2011
I agree that in some work situations, these workshops are good. I know of a case where good natured sport ended up causing someone his job, because he refused to see that women were getting upset. Yes, there is a fine line bewteen disrespect and play. It all comes down to whether the person who is hearing whatever is said is offended. We all have such different takes on what constitutes disrespect.
TexasTrailerParkTrash
February 7, 2011
I can only hope that my response to that guy about visiting between the holidays would be, “Sure. But only if I can bring my Nutcracker.”
lifeintheboomerlane
February 7, 2011
OK, contest closed. You win the prize.
writerwoman61
February 7, 2011
I second that motion!
Walker
February 7, 2011
ditto!!!
Debbie
February 7, 2011
So sexual harassment in the workplace is still going on, huh? Even in this “enlightened” age, even with this type of mandatory seminar? Wow, the more things change, the more they stay the same. One more bonus of working solo!!
lifeintheboomerlane
February 7, 2011
Yes, exactly. And the perks of working solo (which I do, most of the time) and endless.
planejaner
February 7, 2011
Funny post, Renee–
my mom always said to us, “Wear clean underwear but always carry cab fare” before we’d go on dates…
hm…
if some guy said that to me…well, I’d laugh, vomit in my mouth a little, and then give him a shriveling stare.
blessings
jane
lifeintheboomerlane
February 7, 2011
Thanks, Jane. And that’s funny. After Suzette told us, what her mom said, we all advised her daughter not to leave home without cab fare.
Walker
February 7, 2011
Sadly sexual harassment does still continue and it will until we come to a place of greater equality… or something. It never ceases to amaze me that men can be so crass and the clueless if you get upset! Oh well…..
I could go on about respect and other stuff, but I’ll not go there.
Great post and some equally great comments!
lifeintheboomerlane
February 7, 2011
Thanks, Walker. I’m still laughing over the “nutcracker” line. I’ve been watching “Mad Men” on Netflix and I’m blown away at how blatant the demeaning behavior toward women was back then. And the women never said a word. I know it’s a TV show, but I have to believe there’s some truth there. Maybe we’ve made a bit of progress.
Vonnie Kennedy
February 8, 2011
We had a “professionalism and sensitivity” seminar a couple of weeks ago. The sad part about those things is the people who really need them, just don’t get it anyway.
lifeintheboomerlane
February 8, 2011
Thanks for reading. And that’s a perfect way to put it.
36x37
February 8, 2011
Ha!!! I cannot stop laughing at your first paragraph. I just read it to my husband and told him to be sure to try it out at his office’s next annual meeting.
I love your take on how women today would respond to such blatant sexual harassment. I think its true: the longer you’re in the work force, the harder it is to take jerks in the workplace seriously.
At 20, I interned for a guy who constantly talked about the kama sutra. And then at 26, I worked for a guy once who set up business meetings at strip clubs (and even bought me a lap dance once). In both cases, I pretended it never happened, avoided them at all cost, and floated resumes to every job available in my field. My 36-year-old self would have laughed in their face and scheduled some lively discussions with HR.
Funny how age and experience can be so empowering. Those guys were jerks. I don’t think they’d last 10 days in a corporate environment today.
lifeintheboomerlane
February 8, 2011
Thanks, and so, so very true. As we age, our perspective changes on just about everything. At times, our sense of humor replaces our indignation. At other times, we aren’t afraid to draw the line. And you’ve had a couple mighty interesting work experiences. Must be a blog post in there, somewhere. Blame it on me.
Simone Benedict
February 8, 2011
lol, oh man, I’m sorry you had to endure that. Now I can’t imagine, but I would have really appreciated the seminar when I was 19 or 20.
lifeintheboomerlane
February 8, 2011
I think if I had to go to a seminar like that at that age, I would have sat through it with my legs together, thinking of God.
subWOW
February 8, 2011
I actually wish the sexual harassment or gender discrimination comes in such a horrendous blatant style. It would be easier to document and, yes, to sue. When it is done subtly, that’s when it is difficult to fight against.
Now… totally changing my tune: have you ever seen the SNL skit with Don Draper? Although I did laugh at the skit, I wondered whether it was detrimental to the “cause”…
lifeintheboomerlane
February 8, 2011
I saw your Tom Brady correction, but by then it was too late. I’m watching Mad men on Netflix and I am completely obcessed with it, so all I can think of now is Don Draper and the rest of them and chain-smoking and chain-drinking, and torpedo boobs…. OK, I’ve just slapped myself back to the moment. No, I didn’t see the skit. What was it?
subWOW
February 8, 2011
Ooops. Sorry it’s the one with Tom Brady.