Seriously. Life in the Boomer Lane has never, even in a drug-induced Happyland stupor while seated in Dr Gerald’s dental chair, ever thought about blogging about Hopscotch. Come on now. Hopscotch? Is there a more basic children’s game? Yes, there is. That one where you hide something in your hand and shove both fists in front of someone’s face and they have to pick which one has the stone or the penny or the marble or your grandmother’s false teeth or whatever. So Hopscotch is the second most basic game. LBL thinks it was invented about three weeks after fire.
Actually Hopscotch began in ancient Britain during the early Roman Empire. The original Hopscotch courts were over 100 feet long and were used for military training exercises. LBL is not making this up. Roman foot soldiers ran the course in full armor and field packs, and it was thought that Hopscotch would improve their foot work. The most successful of those went on later to become the first dancers on “Bandstand.”
Here’s how it goes: Steal a piece of chalk from the classroom (and an eraser if you are especially slick), draw a Hopscotch on the pavement. Throw something that won’t roll or crawl away into the first space. Hop over it on one foot into all the other squares. Then come back and pick up whatever is in Square 1. Then go to Square 2. LBL won’t bore you with the rest of it. That was Hopscotch in a working class neighborhood in Philly in the 1950s. LBL really didn’t think it had changed much since then, with the exception that now, instead of moms opening the front doors and yelling, “Get yer butts in here for dinner!” they would, instead text, in a civilized manner, “Get yer butts in here for dinner!”
Stay with LBL now. It does get better. While LBL hadn’t been paying attention for the last 50 years, it appears that today’s children’s brain cavities no longer contain the information necessary to create a Hopscotch game all on their own. Vital information (like how to steal your dad’s cigarettes while he is napping) that used to be passed down from older kids to younger ones while hanging out on stoops, steps, and street corners, has disappeared. Today’s children are left clueless about the most basic of life’s joys.
All this started when someone told LBL yesterday that now kids have to buy Hopscotch games for $10 that come with a DVD showing how to create a Hopscotch and how to play. LBL didn’t believe it. So she Googled it. Here’s what she found: People are freaking nuts. Back up. LBL already knows people are freaking nuts. She’ll start again: People are freaking nuts AND they spend $10 so that their kids can learn to play Hopscotch.
It gets worse:
LBL found this mat on Google. It costs $219.99. Let’s write that again and make it bold: $219.99.
OK, all you parents of young kids. Time to get sane. Please don’t buy a Hopscotch game or DVD. Instead, have your beloved tot learn from a real living legend of the game. For only the cost of that $219.99 mat, plus first class airfare, hotel accommodations, and meals at 5 star restaurants, LBL will personally teach him or her the game. And for another $219.99, LBL will teach him or her to jump rope and play jacks. And she will even throw in a lesson on that other game where you hide something and the other person has to guess which hand it’s in. And LBL gives a money back guarantee. Operators are standing by.
The Good Greatsby
April 1, 2011
I’m not sure my kids are interested–mostly because they’ve never heard of Hopscotch–but you can sign me up! This could be Hopscotch’s time to make a comeback and I want to lead the charge!
lifeintheboomerlane
April 1, 2011
If you hear that it is making a comeback, I take full credit. But you can assist me.
Simone Benedict
April 1, 2011
We draw hopscotch on the walk all the time. What is wrong with people?
The really fun part is watching grownups walk down our sidewalk. They step over into the grass. They will not step on the hopscotch. Either it’s sacred or they’re worried they’ll do it & people will see, lol.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 1, 2011
Interesting question you pose, Simone: What is wrong with people? For less than the cost of a Hopscotch Mat, I will send you a list.
Margie
April 1, 2011
At my grandson’s school, hopscotch is painted on the big concrete pads that serve as places to play. I’ve never actually seen anyone use the hopscotch there, (except me…) We used to scratch ours into the dirt. Dirt is a superior playing surface.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 1, 2011
Your grandson’s school is to be applauded. And I seriously love that you played Hopscotch in the dirt.
Lisa
April 1, 2011
Okay I am completely nauseated now. Our children are having creativity and motivation sucked out of them while we supposedly protect them and make life easier. I’m going to get Sarah some more chalk.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 1, 2011
Yes, our children’s brains have been sucked out by the Great Marketing Industry Vacuum Cleaner. Good for you. Chalk and anything else that doesn’t have an on/off switch or comes pre-packaged.
Mrs. H.
April 1, 2011
…is this an April Fool’s…? Because it’s too insane to be real. Seriously. (And am I the only one who balked and thought, “That mat’s not even a GOOD hopscotch”?)
My sister, our friends, and I used to draw hopscotch all over our very steep driveway. Oh yes. We required people to hop on one or two feet all up and down our driveway. It was quite the challenge. We also would draw super hard hopscotches. There would be blank spaces that you had to leap over and either land two-footed or one-footed (that one was really tough). Man, it was fun. I can’t wait to have a kid to teach hopscotch to. I wonder what insane patterns a kid of mine would come up with?
lifeintheboomerlane
April 1, 2011
The ability to creating one’s own Hopscotch pattern should be a right of birth. But so should all creative thought. I’ll bet your kids will be spectacular at it.
Amy
April 1, 2011
Wait. Isn’t there an app for that?
lifeintheboomerlane
April 1, 2011
I think I just spewed my coffee onto the keyboard.
Swanlady
April 5, 2011
chuckle chuckle 🙂
Debbie
April 1, 2011
You’re pulling our legs today, aren’t you, Renee’? I mean, come on, nobody in his/her right mind would pay nearly $175 for something that could (and should) be drawn on a sidewalk, driveway, patio, or cul-de-sac! Still, all things considered, maybe people have dumbed-down to that level. — sad.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 1, 2011
It’s worse than you think. read my comment below.
Alaina Mabaso
April 1, 2011
Right on, Renee. My mother loves to tell me about how she used to set me in a spare cardboard box and give me a book, and I’d be happy for hours. Sometimes I wonder if this meant I was a strange kid. But compared to playing on a $175.00 hopscotch mat…Thanks for turning up that little gem.
I also was struck by this b/c I wrote a very similar blog about extravagant children’s things after I read an article informing me that I had to save $10,000 before becoming pregnant just for the infant’s first year. When I see the yachts that people use as strollers, I begin to see why.
http://alainamabaso.wordpress.com/2009/10/10/its-a-baby-dont-break-the-bank/
Your blog is consistently great. Keep it up.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 1, 2011
Thanks so much, Alaina. I heard two items recently. One, that kids get more brain stimulation out of playing in the dirt and creating their own games than from playing with the fanciest toys or computer games. I’m sure the box/book combo would score higher as well. The second was that all TV viewing, and that includes PBS and other “educational” shows, destroys brain cells. Are those statements true? I don’t know. But they sould like they should be.
I took a look at that link. So funny, and your artwork is charming. I have already broken my new rule of two days ago: Do not subscribe to one more blog. I just subscribed to yours.
Tori Nelson
April 1, 2011
Hahahaha and also? I feel sad and worried for the future of the human race. Are we really getting this dumb?
lifeintheboomerlane
April 1, 2011
I’ve started to answer this in about six different ways. But, IQ points aside, in every way that really matters, the answer is yes. Sigh.
Joyce
April 1, 2011
It’s always amazing to see what you’re writing about! This really brought back some memories of playing hopscotch in the school yard. We used to get old shoe heels from the shoemaker to use in the game.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 1, 2011
Brilliant. I can’t even remember what we used. Something lying in the street, no doubt.
Hippie Cahier
April 1, 2011
Hmm…I wonder Hopscotch was simply edged out by Four Square, which is somewhat simpler to draw.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 1, 2011
The way the human race is going, Four Square will be edged out by One Square. And there will be a DVD to show kids how to do it.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 1, 2011
Note to All: This post is not an April Fool’s joke, although it should be. And it got worse after I posted it. After writing that the mat was $179.99, I saw that I had missed a place that was selling it for $219.99 so I changed it. I’m sure if I looked more diligently, I could find places that were even more expensive, but by then I would have lost whatever hope I still had for humanity. And that hope, among all the other things I have lost, would be orbiting the earth.
Todd Pack
April 1, 2011
I’ll bet they sell a bunch of them, too.
P.S. Be sure to visit my blog, where I’m selling my latest plaything, Dots(TM), a 21st century upgrade of the classic game you played in study hall and sometimes on car trips. My Dots(TM) set includes a 100-count, biodegradable set of playing pads and 4, pre-sharpened graphite-powered writing instruments. It, too, is only $219.99.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 1, 2011
I think you are on to something. Make sure you also offer a Dots Club, that gives parents the option of having $219.99 (plus shipping) automatically deducted each month from their credit card so their child will recieve a new playing pad and 4 new writing instruments each month. After all, there’s nothing worse than running out of paper or using a pencil that is no longer pointy.
territerri
April 1, 2011
… trying to figure out my get-rich-quick scheme and marketing plan for Mother May I, Red Light/Green Light, and Hide-n-Seek games…
lifeintheboomerlane
April 1, 2011
We need to all form a corporation to start marketing these things to today’s kids. Rememeber Penny Walks? We could sell the penny for $19.95.
writerwoman61
April 1, 2011
I don’t know if my kids know how to play hopscotch. Hope was getting on my nerves the other day, so I told her to “go out and run around the house” (because that’s what my parents used to tell us). She looked at me like I was insane!
Wendy
writerwoman61
April 1, 2011
Hilarious post, by the way…this was my favourite line: “The most successful of those went on later to become the first dancers on ‘Bandstand.'”
lifeintheboomerlane
April 1, 2011
That’s funny. My parents would have had to tell me to run around the block because I lived in a rowhouse. But we did spend a lot of time outside, even if it was just sitting on the front steps.
Kathryn McCullough
April 1, 2011
Okay–I’m one of those readers who was convinced this was a April Fools joke, but now, having read the comments, I realize it’s not. Yikes, Renee! And I thought I was crazy!
Kathy
lifeintheboomerlane
April 1, 2011
And I never even thought about that when I was writing it.
Patricia
April 2, 2011
Kids are missing out on some fun stuff. How about Double Dutch jump rope, Simon Says, and Spud?
lifeintheboomerlane
April 2, 2011
And hula hoops! Although I have been told they are making a comeback.
36x37
April 2, 2011
Hahahahaha excellent. I had to read this one out loud to GB.
My six year old is a wiz with chalk. Lucky for him he can have a hopscotch board for free whenever his little fingers feel up to making one “happen.”
lifeintheboomerlane
April 2, 2011
Thanks, maura. Bravo to your son!
omawarisan
April 2, 2011
Perhaps we can join forces. I am starting seminars on playing tag and hide & go seek. I’m designing uniforms as well.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 2, 2011
Oh my, the uniforms are a brilliant idea. How about action figures, as well?
carldagostino
April 2, 2011
Monetization of HS reminds me of the “felonization” of America(drug busts to incarcerate for “clients” for criminal justice industry to create employment) for 4 million corrections related jobs.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 2, 2011
I tried to think of a clever retort to link the two, since they both result in exconomic gain for a segment of the population, but it’s Saturday morning and I haven’t even had a shower yet.
Walker
April 2, 2011
For just another few hundred bucks you could also offer to just rear the damn child for them!
Have you seen the movie, Idiocracy? It’s a total spoof but alarmingly prophetic, as your post shows! wow.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 2, 2011
Our culture seems to have the uncanny ability to constantly outdo itself in the idiocy category. Haven’t seen the film. It would probably send me into either a rage or an emotional shutdown.
Walker
April 2, 2011
Note: I have 2 children and 2 grandchildren, I love them dearly… (didn’t want the ‘damn’ reference to look as bad as it does)
lifeintheboomerlane
April 2, 2011
It didn’t!
Lunar Euphoria
April 2, 2011
It makes my heart hurt that kids today don’t know how to play hopscotch.
When I worked at a private practice, I was on a mission to bring old school games back. None of the kids I worked with (5-12 years old) knew how to play a game of marbles or jacks.
But they all knew how to shoot aliens with their thumbs.
Go figure.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 2, 2011
So sad. I grew up in a working class neighborhood in the middle of a city. We played a zillion games and almost all of them cost little or no money. And we loved them.
sunshineinlondon
April 3, 2011
This is hilarious – and ridiculous! I can’t believe that these products are for sale or that people actually buy them – wth?
We were with a bunch of friends recently, playing board games. We needed to flip a coin to decide who would start, and a friend pulled out his iPhone and said, “I have an app for that.” He was about to “flip a coin” on his iPhone and met with so many crazed looks and “good griefs” that he got a coin out of his pocket. Can you believe it? What next? Seriously.
Sunshine xx
lifeintheboomerlane
April 3, 2011
Some posts write themselves. Re that guy’s app: Seriously, the real world is now even more bizarre than anything one could come up with. Someone should do a post on completely idiotic apps. But it won’t be me.
sunshineinlondon
April 4, 2011
Yesterday evening, at the bus stop, I saw a little girl of about nine playing hopscotch on the pavement (sidewalk). She was using the paving blocks as squares, and a small stone. There you go – the game is still alive and well and simple!
Sandra
April 3, 2011
$219.00!!! That is crazy and yes, that does deserve to be written in bold letters! To think, a day didn’t go buy without a game of hopscotch. The school yard even had the hopscotch outlines painted into the pavement…ok, clearly this comment is giving my age away.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 3, 2011
Thanks for visiting Life in the Boomer Lane, Sandra, and for commenting. I just want to know who these people are who buy these things. Even at a much lower price, it would be crazy. I say FREE Hopscotch for everyone!
Emily Jane
April 4, 2011
I wonder about the next generation of children. Internet only became big when I was about… twelve-ish, so my childhood was comprised of reading Enid Blyton blooks, spending a few hours outside on bikes/skates/playing “Gaelic football” and generally getting myself scraped up pretty good, and then going indoors to have dinner and watch Star Trek with my parents. It horrifies me to see things like this, and to think of a generation growing up kept completely out of direct sunlight. And common sense.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 4, 2011
If I really want to spiral into a depression, I think about this generation of kids spending all of their time indoors with their electronic devices, consuming genetically-engineered food.
Lori
April 4, 2011
I can’t believe you guys don’t like my product……..;)!!
Love the post!!
lifeintheboomerlane
April 4, 2011
So funny. And thanks.
subWOW
April 5, 2011
I’ve never played Hopscotch before. Children DO play a certain version of it where I came from; it’s just that I am so anti-athletic that I could not even succeed in jumping 3 squares on one foot. There’s a reason why I studied so hard… overcompensation is the driving force for a lot of people I bet!
That expensive rug I suspect is from Pottery Barn Kids. All of their rugs cost that much, no matter the pattern…
lifeintheboomerlane
April 5, 2011
Oh goodness, you must learn to play! It will totally change your life. Or else it will totally prove that you are right. We should have an Olympics of Non-Athletic Ability. I was so bad in everything, the school put me in Remedial Gym Class, with people who were recovering from open heart surgery. True. I don’t know about the studying part (I was always a Type A personality about that) but I do know it’s the reason I have been going to the gym for 36 years. It’s to compensate for my legendary failures in gym class and sports in school.
Swanlady
April 5, 2011
I never passed a hopscotch on the ground that I didn’t have to jump into and do – both ways
Luckily there are still parental units out there who make their children go outside and play and allow and encourage them to be creative and yes…play hopscotch on their driveways.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 5, 2011
Bravo to those parental units!