Now Husband Dan is thoughtful, physically affectionate, and never ends a phone call without saying “I love you.” For the last week, we have been living about 20 minutes away from each other and communicating mostly via phone. I have been on Anna Maria Island, helping Joyce. Dan has been in our trailer mobile home in Bradenton. Normally, by now, he would have been a sad puppy, tail curled down, counting the minutes until he could see me again. Normally. But on Thursday, NHD bought a scooter: a very large one. I am nothing, if not supportive:
You already have a scooter.
That’s for home. This one is for Florida.
That makes one car, one sailboat, one motorcycle, two scooters, and a bicycle. Is a two-hump camel next?
Friday:
When can I see you?
I pick up the scooter today but I don’t know what time.
What happened to the car? Why can’t you use that?
I want to pick you up on the scooter. It will be great.
Saturday:
Did you get the scooter?
It was making funny noises. I had to take it back. Dewayne says I’ll get it tomorrow.
Dewayne?
That motorcycle guy who sold it to me. The one who has that big eagle tattoo all over his back.
Oh, right. The eagle is holding bloody snakes in its talons. And it says “Born to Fuck You Up”
That’s the guy.
I thought he was in jail for selling hot motorcycle parts.
Not hot. Defective. He said the charges had no merit.
Sunday:
Did you get the scooter?
It’s Easter so Dewayne said I wouldn’t get it until Monday.
Is he religious?
No, just drunk.
Monday:
Did you get the scooter?
This afternoon. Dewayne had to get a part.
What part?
The part that he forgot to put on because he was drunk.
Tuesday:
Did you get the scooter?
Yes!
Great, so I’ll see you today.
I’ll come by and take you out to dinner.
What about the rest of the day? Why can’t I see you before that?
I want to make sure the scooter is perfect. I’ll see you at 6.
Listen, my flight is really early. How about if I pack up and stay with you tonight?
Your suitcase won’t fit on the scooter. How about we just do dinner?
Are you sleeping with your scooter?
(silence)
I thought so.
Life in the Boomer Lane 
writerwoman61
April 26, 2011
Has he mentioned a Jet-Ski? How about a snowmobile? My condolences, my friend…
Wendy
lifeintheboomerlane
April 26, 2011
Our garage at home is filled. We need a storage facility. Or a 12 step program.
Jane
April 26, 2011
Men and their toys…
alas.
Sorry about that sailboat…someone once said owning a sailboat is like standing in a cold shower, tearing up $100 dollar bills…
🙂
hang in there, and I hope he stops cheating on you with that hussy soon.
blessings
jane
lifeintheboomerlane
April 28, 2011
Funny comment about the sailboat. I haven’t had a problem with that. He is so happy on his boat, and he does all the work himself. But I think we have reached some kind of critical mass with wheeled vehicles.
Mrs. H.
April 26, 2011
If you enter him into a 12-step program, would the 9th step require him to “hug it out” with Dewayne?
lifeintheboomerlane
April 26, 2011
I could have had a field day with that possibility in the post, but I decided I’d like to stay married for the time being.
Katybeth
April 26, 2011
Too funny. At least he is not sleeping with Dewayne. A camel could be fun and there would be more than enough room for your suitcase.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 26, 2011
I think I’ve opened a real can of worms here.
planejaner
April 26, 2011
I think wordpress ate my comment…
wah.
I said something funny about sailboats…and 100 dollar bills.
take my word for it–it was funny.
blessings
jane
lifeintheboomerlane
April 26, 2011
Thank goodness you didn’t say anything about Dewayne.
Kathryn McCullough
April 26, 2011
How funny–boys and their toys–not to mention the Dewayne-like companions who don’t play well with others! Yikes!
Kathy
lifeintheboomerlane
April 26, 2011
Hey, Dewayne is an entrepreneur.
Tori Nelson
April 26, 2011
I have the mental image of big, burly, slap-a-sister-around Dewayne polishing a teeny tiny Vespa. I’m scared… and totally entertained!
lifeintheboomerlane
April 26, 2011
Hilarious. The scooter is actually a big one, but I’m sure she’d spiff up a tiny pink Vespa for you.
StephanieinSuburbia
April 27, 2011
Ah yes, the day you’re replaced by machinery. My husband got a laser engraver and for awhile, I was fairly sure I had outlived my usefulness before age 35.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 27, 2011
Hopefully, you were able to reinstate your usefulness! In my case, I suppose I could become a motorcycle repair person.
Amy
April 27, 2011
Right now, I’m playing second fiddle to Angry Birds. I feel your pain.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 27, 2011
Ugh, Angry Birds. There should be a follow up, “Angry Wives.”
reelingintheyears.wordpress.com
April 27, 2011
I think you just created a new app–angry wives slashing their husband’s vehicles in half. I feel your pain–around here however, we have old broken-down jalopies hunkered down all over the place.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 28, 2011
Yikes, that would be bad. I do wish you luck. My uncle collected dead taxicabs. One day my grandfather said, “You have until the end of the day to get rid of them.” At least Mr Transportation collects ones that are in running condition.
Swanlady
April 27, 2011
I always thought of a scooter as a mode of transportation for a young boy with a cap with a whirly thing on top …. thanks for the smiles this morning 🙂
lifeintheboomerlane
April 28, 2011
This scooter is as big as a motorcycle. Mr Transportation has informed me that “the only difference beteen his scooters and a motorcycle is the position the seat is in.” But the conventional image of a scooter is far better for humor material.
omawarisan
April 27, 2011
Would you call Mrs. O for me. I have been waiting for a convertable and it would be so much nicer to have consensus on my need for it rather than what is going to happen when I buy one on my day off without input.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 28, 2011
Hey, I drive a convertible. I am a huge fan of convertibles. Would it help if I told her that we have hauled an entire queen size bed (with mattress), as well as a washing machine in my car?
pegoleg
April 27, 2011
A scooter brings to mind “Gidget” more than “The Wild Ones.” Great that your man is secure enough not to care about such things.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 28, 2011
His scooter is 150 cc (big) but, yes, the word “scooter” is definitely more Gidget.
merrilymarylee
April 27, 2011
Love this. Men and their toys!
My sympathies.
Hope Joyce is progressing. She may get better before Dewayne.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 28, 2011
Joyce is doing great. Agreed: She will get better before Dewayne does.
Joyce
April 27, 2011
hilarious
lifeintheboomerlane
April 28, 2011
Thanks, babe.
Elly Lou
April 27, 2011
Please tell me he’s got Peter Fonda mutton chops to accompany the scooter.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 28, 2011
I wish. Oh wait, maybe I don’t. Maybe I just want that cycle riding Peter Fonda for about 5 minutes. Or the guy from “Then Came Bronson.” Don’t tell Mr Transportation.
Lunar Euphoria
April 28, 2011
TOO funny! Dewayne sounds like a fascinating character.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 28, 2011
And he provides such a valuable service.
carmen
April 28, 2011
Your post is brilliant; i love how you write and it did make me chuckle! Get the hubby to spend some quality time with you in a Anna Maria rental instead of getting an even newer toy! 🙂
lifeintheboomerlane
April 28, 2011
Hi Carmen! Thanks for visiting Life in the Boomer Lane and for your comments. Are you a Realtor on AMI? My friends Joyce and Jean live there. Have your seen my posts about being there after Joyce’s accident? I’m a Realtor in Northern Virginia. AMI is a magical place.
judithhb
April 29, 2011
Hi – I think I met Dewayne. My next door neighbor (a young single guy) was buying a motorbike from this big, tattooed biker. I wasn’t introduced but I am sure it was Dewayne.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 29, 2011
Thanks for visiting Life in the Boomer Lane, Judith. Yes, Dewayne gets around. I think he’s franchised himself all over the country.