A lot of us spend a lot of time thinking about life in general, and/or about our lives in particular. Some of us never think about these things at all because we are in our lives, up to our eyeballs in the nonsense or the wonder or the frustration of what bombards us day in and day out. The nonsense, especially, is so deep, in fact, that stepping back just results in tripping over even more nonsense that we never knew was there.
But sometimes, when we least expect it, something happens that not only stops us in our tracks but lets us see the nonsense for what it is. And only then, in that moment, with no nonsense, no pre-conceived notions of how or what life should be, a space opens up that is so huge with possibility that nothing we have ever experienced before seems real.
Something like that happened to two people I have known, and each time it happened, they were very close to the ends of their lives. Each time, it was in that small space between life and death, that transformation occurred.
One was a woman who was a member of a several-months-long workshop I attended some years ago. She was in her 40s, unmarried, had little money, and was at an impasse in her professional life. While the workshop was in progress, she was diagnosed with colon cancer. During one of our meetings, we were each asked to declare a vision for our lives. I watched her face, as we went around the room, each person taking a turn speaking. Something was changing before my eyes, something huge and life-altering. When it was her turn, she stood up, carefully and slowly. Her physical discomfort was palpable, but her words were strong and clear. She said she wanted to be an actress, and in that moment, she became her vision. She spoke of taking classes and trying out for plays. She spoke of standing on the stage and expressing the essence of the role. And she said that she had never felt so alive in her life. She didn’t even have to say that. Her being said it all. When she died a couple weeks later, she did so as the actress of her vision.
And my friend Bill. Who carried a debilitating hurt with him throughout the years and the decades. Who couldn’t get past the pain of his childhood. While Bill was in hospice, he became friends with one of the hospice workers, a young man who had beaten all the odds, surviving terminal cancer. At first, his story served as a fragile lifeline for Bill. Until it became much more.
They spoke for hours, this man and Bill. And what began as a hope for the extension of his life, based on another man’s survival, turned into an understanding for Bill, in the final moments of his own life, about creating a space of endless possibility, based solely on love and an awareness that we create whatever reality we have. And the reality is only as big and as expansive and as nurturing as we declare it to be.
One day, Bill’s wife and my husband were in the hospice café. I was alone in the room with Bill. Bill knew I had participated in several transformational workshops over the years, and I knew that he put them into the same category as pulling rabbits out of a hat and Gypsy fortune tellers. But on this day, Bill said, “I have to talk to you. There’s so much I want to tell you. There’s so much I understand now. And there’s so much I have to tell other people. I have to live, so that I can tell people.” I said, “You get, now, don’t you, what all this is about?” and he said, “Yes. I get it.” He didn’t have to say anything more, and I didn’t have to ask any other questions.
In the few days he had left, Bill spoke to his mother. Releasing all the nonsense, all the hurt, all the barriers. With words formed by his heart and not by his pain. And he left this world in exactly the same way that woman did who was in my workshop: at peace, living his vision, and knowing that from vision, all things are possible.
georgettesullins
December 19, 2011
Thank you for sharing what you know is true.
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 19, 2011
And thanks for reading, Georgette!
Betty Londergan
December 19, 2011
Beautiful post & SO important, particularly at this time of year when we are bombarded with so much emotional freight, so many “have-to-do” lists, so much that is extraneous and superficial and meaningless. It was a profound jolt to read your words — especially these: “…we create whatever reality we have. And the reality is only as big and as expansive and as nurturing as we declare it to be.” That’s really powerful stuff…and the essence of how to live deeply. (p.s. I love your “What I’m Reading Now…” sidebar, too!)
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 19, 2011
Thanks, Betty. Yes, this time of year is filled with NONSENSE. So glad you like the sidebar. If you saw my struggles to get those sidebars on the blog, you’d be doubled over laughing. I envisioned a photo of the book cover, for example. Nothing looks like I want it to, but I am exhausted with the attempt.
My Inner Chick
December 19, 2011
—Always Powerful…Always Insightful.
I find the most diffictult part of living is not dying….but going on after your loved one is gone.
I pray for purpose every single day.
I pray that God will use me for his good. Use me Up.
….but to be perfectly honest…. I keep asking myself why I’d be here without my dear sister. Why I’d be here without my soul-mate.
Ahhhh, that is the rub.
Excellent. Fabulous Post. X
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 19, 2011
When my friend Miki died, I decided that I would live for both of us. I would take the best of who she was and be that in the world. I made a committment that each year would be better, more expansive, more courageous, more visionary. It would be my homage to her. I wrote a Letter of Accomplishment at the end of each year, a contract detailing my goals for five major areas of my life. It took a lot of time and became my roadmap for that year. Part of that was walking in the 60 mile breast cancer walks, two years in a row. Everything I did, I did for both of us. So you get to be the presence in the world for both of you. And I do think your blog is making a difference with people.
K.L.Richardson
December 19, 2011
Thank you for this lovely post. It reminds me of an experience with my mothers second husband. We (he and I) always had a fragile relationship as he and mom were married shortly after my dad’s death. But he did take good care of my mom and shortly before he died we were able to put everything aside and make peace before his passing. In the face of such a momentous life change all else seems trivial.
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 19, 2011
How wonderful. Would that we could all do that without having a crisis precipitate it!
nrhatch
December 19, 2011
It is a lot of nonsense, isn’t it?
Especially when we hang on to stale grievances that weigh us down and prevent us from really experiencing the Here and the Now.
nrhatch
December 19, 2011
BTW: one of your co-authors of Invisible No More, Jean Peelen, spoke recently on the island. I missed it . . . not seeing the notice until the day after the event. 😦
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 19, 2011
Ah, yes. Jean is a force of nature. A powerful, visionary woman, a great speaker. She was just elected Holmes Beach City Commissioner, and is shaking things up. I’ll be on AMI visiting her the last week in January. We have a signing at Ginny and Janie’s on 1/24, from 1-3PM. I would LOVE to get together with you when I am down there, if you will be around.
nrhatch
December 19, 2011
Cool! We should be around. At a minimum, I marked your book signin on my calendar and will plan to stop by Ginny and Jane E.’s to say hey! 😀
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 19, 2011
I’ll be the one outside, hawking at the passers by (if there are any!).
nrhatch
December 19, 2011
Oh . . . you’re a Street Hawker, eh? 😛
I’m exciting about getting to meet you . . . and two other bloggers who are heading this way in January/February ~ Pixie (Sweet Under The Oaks) and Andra (the Accidental Cootchie Mama).
YAY! A blogging Trifecta!
Paprika Furstenburg
December 19, 2011
When you do this type of post, it is always thought provoking and inspirational. Thank you!
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 19, 2011
Thanks. I’m a schitzophrenic writer. I go to extremes. I love to write humor and I love to get serious. I keep thinking I should decide one or the other, and I decide to go with the humor. Then the serious stuff just starts writing itself. Then there’s a third way I write…. Aaaargh. Meanwhile, this problem I’m having with WordPress is really frustrating. I can’t comment on anyone’s post. It just disappears. I have no idea what to do.
Audubon Ron
December 19, 2011
Sign up for Google Reader.
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 19, 2011
Will that solve my problem? I’ll do it!
Audubon Ron
December 19, 2011
Very nice. Your stories are very sweet.
I had a lymphoma scare in August, it came hard and fast. I was bad sick. I mean, painful bad sick. I had to do the inventory and felt I was actually ready. Not much else I wanted from life. I was looking forward to Heaven actually (or whatever that next level is). Then, I realized the Little Woman still can’t balance a check book. I realized it wasn’t time. I’m not kidding.
My mother had the same lymphoma. Two weeks before she died she asked me, “Do you believe in angels?” I answered, “Yes I do, why do you ask?” She replied, “Well, two angels came to me in my dreams last night and told me I could stay longer, but eventually I would have to go.”
I guess she made her decision. Technically she didn’t die of lymphoma, she died at 2 in the morning of a heart attack on Easter Good Friday. Her mother died exactly on Easter Sunday. As you might know, Easter is a moving target and doesn’t fall on the same day each year.
But, it still makes me wonder the mechanism for people who die in sudden accidents. Do they also approach the opening?
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 19, 2011
Aaargh, I just wrote you a long comment and I must have hit that secret button that says “Go away” and it disappeared. I am completely unauthorized to answer your last question. But I will say that there are many more things we don’t understand than the ones we do. I used to have some kind of internal Bullshit-O-Meter, which registered I believe that/I don’t believe that whenever anyone told me a story about angels or visions or messages from the Great Beyond. Then a wise friend said, “Who cares if it’s true? Who cares if it’s real? Who cares what you think?” Then she continued, “Does their experience or belief serve them? Does it support their vision? Does it move them forward? Isn’t that all that matters?” At that moment, the Bullshit-O-Meter vaporized. So in that vein I’ll say your lymphoma scare came for a reason, one that you get to figure out. And your wife is one smart cookie.
Kathryn McCullough
December 19, 2011
Stunning post, Renee–simply stunning! What more can I say?
Hugs,
Kathy
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 19, 2011
Thanks, Kathy. The next one I post will be my usual doofus stuff. It’s tough to be a multiple personality writer. Is there treatment for that?
ptigris213
December 19, 2011
This is a wonderful post. May I add something?
I spent 21 years in the Army. I had two tours in combat zones.
I was shot at, and mines (IEDs) were a constant threat. I wasn’t hit, nor any of my soldiers, but one of my soldiers lost a brother to an IED while we were in theater.
You used the phrase that has stuck with me ever since my days in Iraq.
I have never felt so alive in my life. I had never felt so alive in my life as I did in a place where it could be snuffed out in a moment.
You never forget that feeling. It taught me a very important principle, that of living in the moment.
Where I live, is Now.
Now is wonderful. I don’t have to worry about the past, and the future is wide open and full of promise.
I enjoy your blog very much, and wish I’d had the creativity to come up with a name as inventive and informative as yours.
Michelle
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 19, 2011
Thanks, Michelle, and thanks for visiting Life in the Boomer Lane. Unfortunately, it does most often take those times when life is at its most precarious that we understand the concept of living in the moment. How amazing would it be if we all did that naturally? You are lucky that your new awareness has stayed with you. It does change everything, doesn’t it?
ScottShirley
December 19, 2011
What a beautiful post! The idea that “from vision, all things are possible” has proven true in my life and experiences. The challenge, as you put it, is “living your vision,” if even just for a moment.
My father passed away from a rare disease six years ago. His entire life was spent helping others in ways that I’m still learning…but now his memory lives on and continues that vision. His diagnosis was the impetus for Uplifting Athletes, which uses that sport of college football raise money and awareness for rare disease research — and arguably more importantly — inspires the rare disease community with courage and hope.
You may enjoy reading his story or some of my perspectives on my blog at http://www.scottshirley.wordpress.com. Keep up the good work!
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 19, 2011
Scott, thanks so much for visiting Life in the Boomer Lane. I did visit your blog, and it’s wonderful. You are wonderful. What a great homage to your dad. Unfortunately, WordPress won’t pick up any of my comments on other people’s posts, so I can’t respond to you on your blog. I’ve written to WordPress about this but haven’t had a response back. But I will read more! And, by the way, I’m a Penn State grad (class of ’69) as well.
societyred
December 19, 2011
Thank you. This post makes me remember the nonsense. Parts of my life I find myself able to see it with great clarity. I also understand it is easy for me to slip back into the nonsense fog. Thank you.
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 19, 2011
And thanks for visiting Life in the Boomer Lane. We are all on the same journey, really, navigating the nonsense to get to that space of clarity.
pegoleg
December 19, 2011
Thank you for sharing this powerful, well-written reminder. This is the only life we get – what are we going to do with it? What am I going to do with it?
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 19, 2011
Yes, exactly. And that applies no matter how old we are and no matter what our circumstances are.
Sylvia Morice
December 19, 2011
This is a good post to read, especially at this time of year. I’m still struggling with the death of my husband/soul mate who died two years ago this month…I’m struggling with Christmas and all the preparations that go along with that holiday but am forging ahead with my adult children and their partners. Like you, I think, I am torn between writing humor and writing serious stuff, and it is always easier to write humor and know that people enjoy it rather than write serious stuff that really ‘puts me out there’…but I am trying to do that, too, as it is the only way to be honest with myself.
Thanks for the post…wish you could comment on mine sometime too..would love to know what you think. And the ‘transformation’ workshop idea sounds intriguing to me…will have to check that out.
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 19, 2011
The loss of a life partner is one of the hugest losses we can experience. (I’ve never experienced the death of a spouse, but I lost my mom when I was 29. She died on December 30, 1976) And so the holidays have to be a reminder of what you no longer have. I don’t think we ever stop grieving. But we do find more and more joy in the person having been in our lives than we do in grief over the loss of them being gone. The transformation workshop (Lifespring) was the best thing I ever did. It taught me three things: Everything is a “conversation.” We create our own reality. There is no such thing as good or bad. So we get to create whatever supports our vision. Period. I’d love to comment on your blog, but I can’t comment on anyone’s blogs now, because WordPress won’t accept my comments. If I can ever get this resolved, I’ll do so.
Lunar Euphoria
December 19, 2011
Lovely post, Renee.
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 19, 2011
Thanks!
notquiteold
December 19, 2011
One of my favorite quotes is this one from George Eliot: “It is never too late to be what you might have been.” When your friend decided it was time to be an actress, she was one. How lovely.
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 19, 2011
Great quote, and so powerful. I always say that vision has no age limit and no time limit.
daeja's view
December 19, 2011
that was a special post….
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 19, 2011
Thanks, Daeja.
Carl D'Agostino
December 19, 2011
For those of us trapped in what you describe in first two paragraphs, we can begin what you suggest by taking 5 minutes to watch a sunset. Or more positively metamorphic – a sunrise.
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 20, 2011
Free, spectacular, life-affirming.
dragonfae
December 20, 2011
What a great post Renee … thanks so much for the reminder! *hugs*
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 20, 2011
And thanks for reading!
writerwoman61
December 20, 2011
I don’t have much to add to what other people have already said. However, after watching my aunt who has fought breast cancer for nearly 15 years (and is still winning), I truly believe in living each day as if it was my last!
Thanks for posting this, Renée…hope you and your family have a wonderful holiday season!
Wendy
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 20, 2011
Thanks, Wendy, and the same to you! xxoo
ryoko861
December 20, 2011
I struggle with this just about every day. I know what I need to do or should I say what I WANT to do. Circumstances in our lives prevent us from doing certain things. It’s ashame that some of these things don’t happen until we’re faced with debilitating health issues. Why is it then that it all comes clear? I want that clarity to happen before I’m a total invalid. And I’m working on it. Of course, there will always be those that may be hurt by it if they’re not expecting it. That’s life. It can’t be a bed of roses. You have to stop and smell them sometimes.
Great post! Sometimes it doesn’t hurt to stop and think!
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 20, 2011
Here’s my two cents worth: There will always be circumstances. That’s called “life.” We can live from our vision or we can live from our circumstances. Nelson Mandela is a great example. His circumstances were a small jail cell. But his vision was to change his country. Vision is always way more powerful than circumstances. Use your vision for the life you want as your guide, not your circumstances. Fear is such a showstopper, and the truth is that we make the fear up. It isn’t real. And the entire time I am typing these words, I’m, of course, speaking as much to myself as to you!
ifiwerebraveblog
December 20, 2011
Wow. Thanks for the inspiration.
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 20, 2011
You are so welcome!
Tori Nelson
December 20, 2011
This post needs to be mandatory reading for all human beings every morning when we wake. It makes my heart glad that he found that clarity. It makes me want to find it now instead of later.
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 20, 2011
I’m really honored by your comment so much, Tori. I think we are all looking for that clarity, and I also think it’s always right here in front of us. When we do let go (and I have at various times), we step right into it, and it all seems so efortless. Marianne Williams says that there are only two human emotions, love and fear. Period. So if we aren’t coming from love, we are coming from fear. That statement was like a frying pan over the head for me. So now, when anything happens that upsets/annoys me, I ask myself if I’m coming from love or fear. And of course, it’s always fear. And I’d rather come from love.
gojulesgo
December 20, 2011
To say I simply ‘Liked’ this post does not do it justice.
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 20, 2011
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I thank Bill and that woman in my group.
Katybjensen@aol.com
December 20, 2011
I get this on a very strong heart level. My husband was alive and well one moment and gone the next. A suden and totally unexpected heart attack. But was it? For the two years prior ro dying he lived his dreams, left a job he hated, did a lot of personal work, and met up with someone he always wanted to talk with about, “The Course in Miracles.” Decided to be a movie star and signed up for classes at a local theater. I can’t say I understood it all at the time but looking back I believe he knew on a soul level that time was short. The day he died we had a conversation while he drove home that should have been an argument..but instead ended with love. . My son says they laughed all the way to his school that morning. My son and I miss him every single day but it helps that my husband lived his vision before he died.
Thanks to Windy for introducing me too you.
Merry Christmas.
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 20, 2011
Katy, I’m deeply affected by your comments. Yes, I believe at some level he knew. And he was one of the lucky ones, to have gone through such a profound transformation. Speaking of the Course in Miracles, a close friend of mine facilitate a Course in Miracles group here in Arlington, VA. The Course has changed his life, and he spends all of his time communicating with people all over the country about it. He also has weekly sessions in his home. He charges nothing for any of this. I’m not a follower of the Course, but I do believe that different paths speak to different people. And all paths lead to the same place. Merry Christmas to you.
writingfeemail
December 20, 2011
What wisdom and encouragement to live our dreams while we are healthy enough to do so. I hope all of your dreams come true. Merry Christmas.
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 20, 2011
And the same to you!
Carol R Craley
December 21, 2011
What a beautiful post! What a gift those two relationships were for you. As a teacher, I first learned of the life gifts hidden in those with one foot in life, one in death from, originally a 6 year old first grader, and later a ten year old. Their life wisdom and message were so strong and powerful. The 10 year old was not expected to live past the age of 12. He wasn’t allowed to go out for recess and he used to spend the time in my art room working with clay. He created an extraordinary scene of a bridge between life and death with the angels waiting to greet him on the other side. I was blessed to witness his graduation from high school.
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 21, 2011
Ah, the courage of children is the most powerful and the most inspiring. Thank you for sharing, Carol, from one Penn State grad to another!
chuckswife28
December 22, 2011
Reblogged this on Addison's Disease.