Way back in time, before most people had ever heard of Harold Camping or Denny’s Maple Bacon Sundae, I wrote a post titled “The Myth of Older Men Wanting Younger Women.” I didn’t intend it to be a tired diatribe of how men over a certain age want young babes.
What surprised me was not that some people missed the point of the post and made their case for the older/younger thing. It was that over a year later, I’m still getting comments on the post. So I feel the need to clarify:
I simply wrote about the following:
1. My disagreement with my friend Jean: Jean believes that older men want younger women. I said I believed that not to be the case. Jean and I disagree on a lot of things, or at least we used to. Now, neither of us can remember any of our opinions about anything. So age has greatly improved our communication with each other.
2. The Match.com/online thing, in which older men express a preference for much younger women: For the most part, I put this under the same category as man’s search for a non-caloric maple bacon sundae: It sounds good in theory. But why not, as you sit alone in front of your laptop, clicking away, ask for youth, beauty, athletic prowess, and a huge bank account? You have absolutely nothing to lose.
3. My experience running a speed dating company: Many older people of both sexes expressed a preference for dating younger (“People my age are too set in their ways.” “People my age aren’t active enough.”) But when people met face-to-face, connection occurred. Every single time.
4. My friends: In my personal circle of friends (read that again,) almost all the couples are age-compatible.
That’s it. I didn’t make fun of older people who are on the hunt for younger. I hurled no epithets. I cast no aspersions. I didn’t even mention Hugh Hefner in the piece. I didn’t refer to the 82-year-old Argentinean woman who married a 24-year-old man after being “engaged for several years.”
If you are in a certain older demographic and you are involved with/dating/married to a person in an entirely different demographic and the world is a perfect place and you have both deep intellectual connections and really hot sex, and you are twin souls and you breathe in unison, great. I will repeat that: Great. I will repeat that again, this time using bold capital letters: GREAT. I have no stuff about any of that. Positive relationships are positive, period.
Of course if one person is much older and the other one is much younger, you come perilously close to both parties being in diapers at the same time. (Sorry, this is a humor blog, after all). PLEASE DO NOT send me emails about sex and diapers. Unless you also send photos.
Life in the Boomer Lane 
omawarisan
February 28, 2012
Why are you picking on 82 year olds who want to be sure of their relationships before they commit?
😉
Life in the Boomer Lane
February 28, 2012
You have a point there, Oma. To each in his/her own time, right?
Nanette
February 28, 2012
As an older woman (not quite in diapers yet, but close) living with a younger man (out of diapers, but barely), I appreciate your live-and-let-love attitude.
Life in the Boomer Lane
February 28, 2012
Thanks, Nanette! Enjoy every minute of your relationship.
Betty Londergan
February 28, 2012
Honestly, you are SO funny, Renee — I can’t wait to read your posts every single time! With absolutely nothing on the line (because I’ve been married for so long, I can’t even feel my libido), I have the same attitude as you about the age differential with older/younger couples (who cares??) But obviously, having run a speed dating service (I really REALLY want a copy of your resume!), you know what you’re talking about. I do think there are some guys (my X leaps to mind) who continually choose women who are far, far younger (and shorter, and progressively less able to speak the English language) — but they are such a minority, why bother even bringing them into the conversation?? It’s like guys who go for the mail-order brides…. kind of a self-correcting move, right? oh, FYI, i just met someone who actual knows “The Hef” and he says the Playboy Mansion is totally creepy, disgusting and filthy — gosh, who would have thought the Playmates weren’t tidy domestic gals??
Life in the Boomer Lane
February 28, 2012
Ah, your comment about younger, shorter, etc. is hilarious and in some cases, so true. And oh my, I wish I hadn’t heard about the Mansion being creepy and filthy. Can’t Hef afford a cleaning crew? Oh wait, he does have one: buxon blondes with tiny maids’ costumes, carrying little feather dusters. Methnks he’d be better off with Servicemaster. I might have bad dreams about this tonight.
Kathryn McCullough
February 28, 2012
Thank God we got that straight!
Life in the Boomer Lane
February 28, 2012
Thank god is right. I don’t think I could go through this again.
ryoko861
February 28, 2012
Bottom line? Who cares. Like you said, as long as the couple are happy. Age is just a number. It may look funny to see the age differences, but nothing you can do about that.
Life in the Boomer Lane
February 28, 2012
We all have quite enough to worry about, right?
ryoko861
February 28, 2012
Yup, like arthritis, AARP, acid reflux…etc.
valentinelogar
February 28, 2012
I married my 19 year younger husband so he would die at the same time as me (why should he be happy) I tell him this all the time. Statistically women outlive their husbands by 20 years, I figured nah, didn’t want to be widowed that long. In the meantime why not have fun!
Cougar and loving it after 15 years of blissful marriage.
Life in the Boomer Lane
February 28, 2012
Good for you!
John
February 28, 2012
So what are you trying to say?
Life in the Boomer Lane
February 28, 2012
You’re a funny guy, John. A really funny guy.
Anonymous
February 28, 2012
In the speed-dating scenario, what accommodations were made for the invisibility factor of women over 40?
I’m asking on behalf of a friend, of course.
Life in the Boomer Lane
February 28, 2012
I could talk about that forever. That was exactly why we wrote our first book, and why I drive around with a bumper sticker on my car that says “Invisible No More.”
Suzie
February 28, 2012
As we all know, men THINK they want younger women but in actuality they really just want a woman who breathes and moves in bed. Some men may confuse “old age twitching” for actually moving which is ok, too.
Life in the Boomer Lane
February 28, 2012
You mean I have to move? Damn.
Bob G
February 28, 2012
Politically Incorrect reply: You mentioned “speed dating.” Change that to “speed coupling” and you are close to what most mature (in age) people would want – a corporal, temporal, non-verbal (oohs and ahhs acceptable) relationship. Problem is, unless money is involved, the young and beautiful are not interested.
Life in the Boomer Lane
February 29, 2012
I would have a cogent reply but then I would have to plead the fifth.
lifeinthefarcelane
February 28, 2012
the 82-year-old Argentinean woman was just waiting til he was legal, dirty old cougar!! 😉
Life in the Boomer Lane
February 28, 2012
She’s no fool. At 82, a long jail sentence would be a real drag.
benzeknees
February 28, 2012
Glad we got this straightened out!
pegoleg
February 28, 2012
I LOVE your couch. Who does your decorating?
Life in the Boomer Lane
February 28, 2012
The Stud of the Month Service.
pegoleg
February 29, 2012
I came back to take another look (drool) at the hunky young man photo and finally figured out what’s wrong with it. If he was similarly garbed, but accessorized with a dustrag, bucket, toilet brush and was walking around the house cleaning, instead of laying down….then, you’d have my every fantasy covered. Be still my heart!
K.L.Richardson
February 28, 2012
My grand daughter asked how old her great grandmother (my former mother-in-law)is…92 I replied. “And how old is Grampa Jay?” Well, her is 87″, I said…..she then proclaimed “Wow! Granma is a Cougar!” LOL al over the place!
Life in the Boomer Lane
February 28, 2012
I love it.
plumplyhonest
February 28, 2012
It’s amazing how often people seem to take things the wrong way. Or maybe they just search for reasons to bitch at people. If it happens to be the post I stumbled upon when Googling for more books you wrote, I didn’t find any reason for people to give you negative feedback. I, myself, am in a relationship with an older man and my favorite part just might be calling my boyfriend a “cradle robber” just to receive “grave robber” in response. 😉 He is 35 and I am 21 – people are amazed at how we make it work despite being in completely different stages of life.
Life in the Boomer Lane
February 28, 2012
I think when people get defensive (about anything) it can mean that there was a chord struck. Or maybe people have heard coments often enough that at the slightest hint of something, they react. I try to save my ire for the big stuff, and goodness knows, there’s enough of that around now. So just enjoy your life with Mr Older Guy. Gee, at 80 and 94, no one will even notice.
Anonymous
February 28, 2012
I was accidentally anonymous, but that was an interesting attempt at invisibility, wasn’t it?!?
Hippie Cahier
February 28, 2012
Hahahaha….I tried to reply and my comment disappeared. . .AGAIN!!! I AM INVISIBLE!!!!!
Life in the Boomer Lane
February 28, 2012
Oh I am laughing. Hippie, your comment appeared on my post but it also appeared in my moderation section. I didn’t notice it on the post, so I clicked “Accept.” I had no idea it was there twice until I saw Peg’s comment. That’s never happened before. So I blitzed your duplicate comment and Peg’s comment. Now I need a nap.
souldipper
February 28, 2012
My 17 years younger date told me over dinner that he wanted to have a serious discussion with me. Turns out, he wanted more than friendship.
“Randy, can you picture me, sitting here having dinner with a man in his eighties?”
“Good God, no! That’s my point…you are so youthful and full of vitality. No!”
“Well, that’s what you’d be doing in 15 years if we continued!”
Unfortunately, he was hurt. He decided he didn’t want to continue the friendship I was enjoying immensely.
Life in the Boomer Lane
February 28, 2012
Oh my. I’m still not clear why he was hurt. Yikes.
souldipper
February 28, 2012
His invitation was REALLY for sex, LITBL… It was about rejection.
My Inner Chick
February 28, 2012
–Hey, Boomer,
Is that you on the couch with the Mr. Boy Toy?
When you’re done w/ him, would you send him over to my house?
I’ve been looking for a blanket like that one.
Xx
Life in the Boomer Lane
February 28, 2012
Now that’s funny! Ooh, you’d make millions selling Naked Man Blankets.
Audubon Ron
February 28, 2012
Lets not take this older/younger thing too far. My first wife was 11 years my senior. For 21 years during our marriage I was a TROPHY HUSBAND! Okay? I know what that feels like. It isn’t nice. I had a brain – in addition to traffic stopping Hollywood looks, IF, I must say.
The real trouble with older/younger is someone (usually the older guy) in the couple needs to express a certain kind of power, when we all know sooner or later the woman will rule (period, no matter how old) and there ain’t nothing more pathetic than an older man getting what-for from little Miss. Xena.
Guys: She’s only going to wear that dog collar during sex once. Snap out of it. The fantasy is over. Go back to your wife of the same relative genre – and try being nice.
Life in the Boomer Lane
February 28, 2012
Great comments, Ron. Yeah, the power thing isn’t even in the category of relationship. Ugh.
WSW
February 28, 2012
I don’t think older men actually want younger women. They just want to be who they were forty years ago, hence the huge numbers of geezers still sporting big square aviator trifocals, porn star mustaches and Grecian formula green hair stylishly grazing their shirt collars and artfully camouflaging the Friar Tucks on their crowns. They want the same thing they did back in the day, except of course they only want it once.
Life in the Boomer Lane
February 28, 2012
I can’t even respond. I’m totally stuck on the image of big square aviator trifocals.
WSW
February 28, 2012
Ron Jeremy with an astigmatism.
speaker7
February 28, 2012
Denny’s has a maple bacon sundae?
Life in the Boomer Lane
February 28, 2012
Yes, and I have to tell you, it’s a sharp intellect like yours that sees through all the relationship crap to know what matters.
chlost
February 28, 2012
So, I am trying to decide-would I rather be the baby of the relationship or the cougar/geezer? Seems that there are pros and cons to both. Gotta say, though, that last photo kind of takes your breath away…..
Life in the Boomer Lane
February 28, 2012
That was the pizza delivery guy. It took me awhile to convince him to pose.
writingfeemail
February 28, 2012
Well, I can’t blame unattached older men for shooting for the moon, but how do they get the young hotties to want them? That is the rub is it not? After some time and many rejections, most of them will come back to reality and age appropriate women will seem more appealing. At least they’ll get their jokes. Too funny.
Life in the Boomer Lane
February 29, 2012
Ah, that’s the stuff of another post. And then I’d really have a firestorm of negative comments. All I will say now is that one specific category of men (like Hef or The Donald, for example) store their penises in their wallets.
The Simple Life of a Country Man's Wife
February 28, 2012
Interesting post. I don’t have much to add to it, since I haven’t earned my stripes marriage-wise. All I know is, I like your style.
Life in the Boomer Lane
February 29, 2012
Hey thanks. I’ve never made experience or knowledge of subject matter a requirement for my writing. Reality just hampers my independent spirit.
Fragrant Liar
February 28, 2012
I didn’t see your original article (or maybe I did and spaced it), but I was ten years with a younger man (16 years my junior) who loved me like no man has ever loved me and maybe never will. In the end, it didn’t work, but not why you might think. In other words, nothing to do with demographics. I do love men my age, and slightly younger, but it really doesn’t matter. Age ain’t nothin’ but a number, truly, and great love is where you find it, regardless of all other variables and random rules for what a relationship SHOULD be made of. Love just is, and that’s all there is to it.
Life in the Boomer Lane
February 29, 2012
Great comments. I have nothing to add.
Casey Marriott
February 29, 2012
You should have included Hugh Heftner. That would explain everything 🙂
Funny post 🙂
Life in the Boomer Lane
February 29, 2012
Thanks, Casey. I try to use Hef sparingly in my writing. But I’m secretly working on a biography about him.
Anonymous
February 29, 2012
On the other hand, you can save money when buying diapers in bulk.
edrevets
February 29, 2012
On the bright side, diapers are cheaper if you buy them in bulk.
Snoring Dog Studio
February 29, 2012
I’d say it’s all about chemistry, but then I’d be not entirely correct. Sometimes it’s about minerals – like diamonds. Personally, dating much younger is distasteful to me. But considering that most men my age still behave like adolescents, I have no choice.
Life in the Boomer Lane
February 29, 2012
That diamond line is funny. Yes, sometimes sex appeal is stored in the wallet.
nrhatch
February 29, 2012
If we don’t want overly senstive types to get upset over “this, that, and the other thing” (or even over nothing at all) . . . all we have to do is stop talking. 😉
Glad you cleared up the non-existent controversy so they can get back to having sex with their significantly older/younger partners.
Thanks, Renee!
notquiteold
February 29, 2012
And old man thinks an old woman is unattractive… whereas he is still handsome, powerful, and virile (in his own mind.)
Asher
March 1, 2012
I continue to love your blog, because you continue to be both hilarious and amazingly good at ferreting out those hidden truths.
IMO, there’s often one heck of a discrepancy between what people think they want and what they really want. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve left the house thinking I wanted nothing more desperately than a hot fudge sundae, only to discover (usually after ingesting said hot-fudge sundae) was a burger. (This, by the way, is why I have to ride my bike so much; my food cravings are deeply indecisive, leaving me with a need to burn off millions of extra calories per year.)
So often, we think we want youth and beauty (or power and wealth, or whatever), when in fact what we really want is someone who can stand to wake up next to us and sit down for dinner with us day after day after day and can handle hearing the same story in slightly-more-embellished versions roughly once every few weeks for the rest of our mutual lives. Sometimes that comes with youth and beauty attached, sometimes it doesn’t.
Personally, I always say that if I was ordering from a catalog, my ideal husband would’ve been about my height, stocky, probably Korean or Japanese, slightly overweight, a little older than I am (like, two to five years), a huge nerd, and blessed with adorably awkward glasses and hair.
DD is a about my height, slender, Scots-Irish-English, twelve years older than I am, nerdy in totally unexpected ways (but, surprisingly, something of a social butterfly), bald *and* eyeglass-less — and he’s the absolute love of my life.
I am glad I didn’t get what I thought I wanted; if I had, I might’ve missed the greatest thing I’ve ever had.
Asher
March 1, 2012
Make that “…only to discover (parenthetical excess) *that what I really wanted* was a burger.”
Oy vey.
Life in the Boomer Lane
March 1, 2012
I love your comments, Asher, and I especially love that line about being glad you didn’t get what you thought you wanted. Too many people don’t see that great people in their line of vision because they are holding out for the fantasy.
murr brewster
March 2, 2012
I have a friend who just got on e-Harmony and put her age group as “50-55” (she’s 63). She says men will weed her out before they have a chance to meet her unless she does this. Her number-one priority in choosing a man is honesty. We don’t talk about this anymore.
Life in the Boomer Lane
March 2, 2012
I’ve heard of other people doing that. Full frontal disclosure here: At one point I went on match.com and entered myself in a younger age category. But in my comments I told my actual age. What category of honest/dishonest was that in?