In modern medicine’s quest to find the reason for Life in the Boomer Lane’s anemia, she has so far had three procedures. The first two were colonoscopy and endoscopy, detailed in a heartfelt yet humorous post.
Yesterday, LBL had a third procedure: a “capsule endoscopy,” sometimes referred to as a “video endoscopy.” This procedure uses a tiny wireless camera to take pictures of one’s digestive tract. One swallows the camera, which then takes thousands of pictures that are transmitted to an apparatus one wears around one’s waist. Doctors can then see inside one’s small intestine by going onto their Facebook homepage. They can click “Like” if the results look good.
The camera, encased in a transparent pill case, was the size of a carry on. OK, LBL is exaggerating. It was a REALLY BIG PILL. Next to it sat a small Styrofoam container of water with crushed ice and a straw. Try swallowing a REALLY BIG PILL by sucking water through a straw. If LBL did that, she would be rushed immediately from Outpatient Surgery to the Imminent Death by Choking Wing of the hospital.
LBL requested a regular glass of water and then swallowed the camera. She thought about the film “Fantastic Voyage,” and briefly considered the possibility that the camera was, in fact, a miniature spaceship with a tiny little crew. Note to readers: This is not a preposterous thought, considering that it was 6AM and LBL had just barely survived 18 hours of fasting and 12 hours of purging. Her detachment from reality rivaled that of having just come from an all-night policy session with the entire crop of Republican Presidential candidate hopefuls.
Back to the test. After LBL swallowed the camera, she was strapped into an electronic device with a bag the size of a camera case. The whatever-was-inside the bag had lights all over it. One of them was a blinking blue light. LBL was given directions for the next eight hours. This included:
Do not touch what is inside the bag.
Check the blue light every 15 minutes to make sure it is still blinking. If it stops, return to the hospital immediately.
Do not stand directly next to another person wearing this apparatus.
LBL is not making this up. She has seen all this before: the camera bag, the blinking lights, the directions to say away from another person just like her. LBL can’t remember the name of the film, but it definitely involved space aliens inhabiting the bodies of innocent DC tourists, and switching out their cameras with equipment that sent signals back to the home planet. Let’s remind ourselves again: 6AM. Fasting. Purging. Not-in-right-mind.
Eight hours later, LBL returned to the hospital to have the apparatus removed. By now, she had settled into her usual as-sane-as-she’ll-ever-be self. But she wasn’t out of the woods yet. She still had the camera inside her and was told that her body would flush it out all on its own. The nurse had the following final words for her: “Don’t be concerned if you see that the camera is still blinking.”
Uh oh.
Dana
April 12, 2011
Sketchy!! At least you can find the humor in what is otherwise a pretty nasty/awkward/annoying situation. Too bad you can’t go back to your Ouija board now and confirm retroactively whether actual miniature scientists were onboard the camera capsule. 🙂
lifeintheboomerlane
April 12, 2011
Damn. A lost opportunity.
carldagostino
April 12, 2011
This tech is fascinating. The movie too still has appeal. I would to see more of this and see how the body operates on the cellular level. It really is a spectacular advance in medicine.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 12, 2011
Agreed. It’s sci fi for real. I’m glad I tidied up before company arrived.
TheIdiotSpeaketh
April 12, 2011
As a Nurse…I feel your pain. I could never endure one of those procedures! I started gagging just thinking about it as I was reading this….. You are a brave lady! 🙂
lifeintheboomerlane
April 12, 2011
Two purges in such a short amount of time was a challenge. I am now at my 1984 weight. The belt was too big for me. they had to jerryrig something that would fit me.
Kathryn McCullough
April 12, 2011
Good God, Renee! Great to hear you’ve found your way back to blogging after all of that!
Kathy
lifeintheboomerlane
April 12, 2011
And to show my loyalty to blogging, when the nurse was taking off the belt contraption, I started telling her how I was going to write a post about this. I think she was looking at me a bit oddly.
Amy
April 12, 2011
” . . . going onto their Facebook homepage. They can click “Like” if the results look good.”
Hilarious!
My doctor showed me a full color photo of my gallbladder before they removed it. I thought that was cool. But a full movie of your entire digestive tract? That’s way cooler. Does it keep filming up until the very “end?” That’s not so cool, I suppose.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 13, 2011
I tried not to ask any questions. Whatever it is, I don’t think it will make iot to the Academy Awards.
omawarisan
April 13, 2011
So the camera ummm…..goes toward the light, and then you mail it back?
lifeintheboomerlane
April 13, 2011
Thankfully, they didn’t ask for the camera back. Somewhere in the seas of the planet are a lot of tiny fish swimming around with a lot of tiny cameras. Hopefully, they are making good use of them.
Patricia
April 13, 2011
If you weren’t anemic before you would be now. And how did you stay awake to keep looking at the blinking light? After all the fasting and purging I would have passed out for eight hours.
Good to know it is all over—hope there are answers found and no more eewwwy stuff required.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 13, 2011
Thanks, Patricia. I’ll admit, when I came back from the hospital, I crashed for about 1.5 hours. I let the blinking light take care of itself.
territerri
April 13, 2011
Love your humorous take on the whole situation. “Procedures” are just so not-fun! (Except when my husband had his colonoscopy and the cute nurse insisted on him farting before she’d release him. Love to see him squirm… I’m going to pay for that, I’m sure.)
Hope you get some answers and an easy fix for your condition!
lifeintheboomerlane
April 13, 2011
Thanks, Terri. Gee, after my colonoscopy, I wasn’t asked to perform. I just left.
Emily Jane
April 13, 2011
I’m glad your mind gravitates toward science fiction when on autopilot 🙂
lifeintheboomerlane
April 13, 2011
My mind sort of gravitates all over the place. Where it lands is always a surprise to me.
TexasTrailerParkTrash
April 13, 2011
Hey, maybe that’s where my mother’s cable modem went!
lifeintheboomerlane
April 13, 2011
I’m laughing. This brings up a whole new realm of possibilities.
planejaner
April 13, 2011
Holy Smokes, lady.
that.
is.
in.
sane.
Plus, super duper chuckle-worthy.
thank you for being the guinea pig…
hope they figure things out for you!
blessings
jane
lifeintheboomerlane
April 13, 2011
Last night, Stephen Colbert did a routine on his show that mentioned the video endoscopy. It was hilarious, saying you can now do the procedure in Wal Mart, and he showed a disposeable camera. So I guess I’m now part of pop culture!
The Good Greatsby
April 13, 2011
Colonoscopy, endoscopy, capsule endoscopy–maybe you need a new hobby that doesn’t end in “scopy”.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 13, 2011
My thoughts exactly. I don’t even want to do anything that rhymes with it.
Walker
April 13, 2011
Oh my my… how inconvenient! You’ve gone through quite a bit haven’t you. My latest invasive procedure fits right in.. had a balloon dilation of my throat-they shoved the wire down and stretched (read: tear) my esophagus.. fortunately I was blissfully drugged. First time to have things shoved in throat (had the other orifices probed) And, yes I get the sexual innuendos to all of this.
Swallowing a mini-camera seems so high-tech. You will be uploading YouTube clip of dinner being digested or something, right?
lifeintheboomerlane
April 13, 2011
I’m sure that one day, the procedure will be all the rage, so that everyone can post the camera’s journey on Facebook, as well as YouTube. I told Jane that Stephen Colbert did a sketch that mentioned the procedure. His was with a disposeable camera. I love all sexual innuendos.
Amiable Amiable
April 13, 2011
Attention K Mart shoppers! Blue light special …
The thought of having this procedure done makes me shutter. I mean shudder. Kudos to you for enduring it, Renee, and for having retained your sense of humor.
Having gone through a scrapbooking period, I am laughing about the potential market for page embellishments, and how they and the photos would make for very creative page layouts.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 17, 2011
You mean scrapbooking doesn’t already have materials for all kinds of medical procedures? Someone will make a fortune doing this.
Perry Block
April 13, 2011
Nice post!
Funny, at my age, my large intestine is my very favorite organ that hasn’t given out yet …
lifeintheboomerlane
April 13, 2011
Thanks for visiting my alternate universe, Perry, and for your funny (and tragic) comment. Once my mind went, everything else lined up behind it.
writerwoman61
April 13, 2011
Oh dear, Renée…here I am, laughing at your pain, again! What kind of friend am I? [shaking head] I hope you’ll forgive me!
That’s a helluva way to lose weight…I hope they figure out what’s causing your anemia soon!
Wendy
lifeintheboomerlane
April 13, 2011
I think they’ve looked everywhere there is to look at this point, except for my brain. But yikes, I don’t want anyone to know what’s going on in there.
pegoleg
April 13, 2011
Hope they find out what’s going on with you soon – medical world is a fascinating place to visit, but you don’t want to pitch a tent there.
I’m having colonoscopy flashbacks just reading this. Going for a strong cup of coffee to wash the phantom taste of that hideous prep stuff out of my mouth.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 13, 2011
The taste of the calcium citrate isn’t bad at all. It’s knowing what’s about to happen that makes me gag.
pearlsandprose
April 13, 2011
Swallow a camera? I can’t even swallow big calcium pills! Hope they find out what’s causing the anemia so you don’t have to go through any more awful procedures.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 13, 2011
I had visions of the pill getting stuck halfway down and then taking a thousad photos of my throat as I pass out. But really, it was fine. It’s coated so it goes down easily.
36x37
April 13, 2011
Mind. Officially. Blown.
How do you know for sure that the pill contains a camera? What if it is really just a means of placing an alien life form inside your person, so it can take samples of your insides and report the results back to the mothership?
(Kidding aside, I hope your results come back ok, friend.)
lifeintheboomerlane
April 13, 2011
That’s exactly what I have been imagining. If I see flashing lights following me, I’ll run like hell. But thanks, I think the tests are over and all will be well.
Elly Lou
April 13, 2011
That wasn’t a camera, that was Dennis Quaid.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 13, 2011
I’ve always wated Dennis Quaid inside me, but this wasn’t exactly what I had in mind.
Tori Nelson
April 13, 2011
Can we tweet your digestive tract on Twitter? Just wondering. Praying for the camera’s painfree “passage”,
Emo Tori Duchess of The Dark Night
lifeintheboomerlane
April 13, 2011
I am sitting here laughing out loud over “Emo Tori Duchess of the Dark Night.” I just heard from the hospital. This one’s good for another post (a very short one).
Emo Renee Duchess of Shpilkes
merrilymarylee
April 13, 2011
Holy moly! I’m guessing you didn’t even want to touch the bag.
My sincere sympathies! All that fasting and purging isn’t causing the anemia?
Don’t know what to wish for on your behalf. Usually no news is good news, but heck, if it’s still no news… where else can the camera go?
I won’t complain about my fecal sample collection any more.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 13, 2011
I’m about to post a mini-update.
Lunar Euphoria
April 15, 2011
…wow
Strangely enough I’ve been following your intestines and another blogger’s colon with rapt fascination.
Lunar Euphoria
April 15, 2011
…wow…
Strangely enough I’ve been following your intestine journey and another blogger’s colon adventures with rapt fascination.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 17, 2011
So you are a colon/intestines groupie?
marilyn1454
April 15, 2011
Hilarious! Did you get to see any of the pictures?
lifeintheboomerlane
April 17, 2011
No, I wouldn’t even know what I was looking at!
Todd Pack
April 19, 2011
I hope it helps diagnose your problem, but this technology just sounds weird, especially the idea of the thing blinking once it’s been, um, flushed, because isn’t a blink like a little flash bulb?
Renee Fisher
April 19, 2011
I don’t know what makes the thing blink, but when the apparatus has been shut down, nothing happens. The apparatus I was carrying around my waist was the home planet. Anyway, all the photos have been taken and the camera is floating away somewhere.